The Epidemic by Robert Shaw, M.D.

Reviewed by Elaine Williams

I know a young man who used to be a bright-eyed toddler. He is very intelligent and was interested in everything around him. He is a teenager now with curiously dead eyes, who may start to smile, then immediately suppresses the impulse. He looks unapproachable most of the time, as if he expects nothing good from life. The light in his eyes has almost been extinguished. Author Robert Shaw would guess, probably correctly, that this young friend of mine is a victim of The Epidemic: a “plague of joyless and selfish children.”

One of the most emotionally charged issues you can discuss with someone today is that of child-rearing. Books on discipline, behavioral problems, and how to raise moral children in an immoral world are more popular than ever, it seems. However, ask many teachers about today’s kids, and you’ll often get the opinion that the students’ behavior gets worse and worse each year. In The Epidemic, child and family psychiatrist Robert Shaw explains in detail his theory of why so many children we encounter are either out-of-control tantrum throwers or sullen, joyless, and withdrawn in their interactions. Shaw places the responsibility for kids’ behavior squarely on the parents, which is why this book is sure to be controversial.

He goes on to give advice on raising children according to older standards that have fallen out of fashion these days.

According to Shaw, the decisions we make even before our children are a glimmer in the eye make a difference in whether we are successful parents or not. He urges unmarried people to be extremely careful when choosing a life partner. Will the person you love be committed to you and share your values, or will he or she leave at the first sign of trouble? What are his or her goals in life, and are they compatible with yours? Shaw proposes that two people who differ greatly on how life should be lived are already putting their future children at risk for unhappiness and confusion. It’s easy to play one parent against the other when the parents are already fundamentally at odds.

However, most people who read this book are already committed parents, so most of the book concentrates on evidence against the success of permissive and absentee parenting, and how to remedy out-of-control behavior. Nowhere does Shaw state that parenting is easy, and that undoing damage will be anything but heart-wrenching at times. If you don’t read the entire book, you can find its essence on the back cover, where Shaw lists “15 Ways to Ruin Your Child and Your Life.”

Upon reading this book, some parents will find themselves nodding in agreement, while others will be deeply offended. Much of what Shaw has to say does hit close to home on one point or another. If nothing else, he certainly provides plenty of food for thoughtful parents.

Shaw reports that a friend of his read the book and said, “I am now haunted by the children you describe who are victims of the Epidemic. I see those empty eyes in children everywhere I go.” Perhaps parents of these children will find some commonsense answers in what Shaw has to say.